Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

What a Surprise, Huh?

As they walked down the hall, Dorothy said, “We could have our cake in the dining room or out on the front porch. Which would you prefer?”

Elner said, “Let’s have it on the porch.”

“Oh, good, it’s such a pretty day, I was hoping you would say that.” As Elner followed Dorothy, she suddenly heard a noise coming from the living room where Dorothy used to broadcast her show, and realized the noise was someone playing “You Are My Sunshine” on the tuba. “That sounds like Ernest Koonitz,” she said.

Dorothy said, “It is. Why don’t you go say hello to him while I get the cake. I know he’d love to see you.”

Elner walked by and poked her head into the room, and there he was, bad hairpiece and all, wearing that same black and white checked suit he always wore, with the red bow tie. “Hello, Ernest! It’s Elner Shimfissle.”

He looked up and seemed thrilled to see her. “Hello! When did you get here?” He walked over and shook her hand through the tuba.

“Just a little while ago. I got stung by wasps and fell out of a tree, so please excuse the robe. How about yourself?”

“I was on my way to the dentist’s office when I just dropped out in the parking lot with a heart attack. It was good timing too, I was just about to fork over a fortune for new dentures.”

“Ahh…well…how are you, Ernest?”

“Oh, I’m just fine now. I had been sick, but I’ve never felt better in my whole life. This is the first time I’ve been able to play in years. Isn’t this just the best place?…I’m meeting with John Philip Sousa, the great bandmaster himself, in just a few minutes, he’s agreed to come over and give me some lessons. Isn’t that great?”

“Yes, it is. I guess it’s never too late to learn, even after you’re dead.”

He looked around. “And isn’t it good to see the old house again. When they tore it down, I thought it was gone forever. I thought when I died I was going to be gone forever too, but here I am. What a surprise, huh?”

“A pleasant surprise, and weren’t those crystal stairs just beautiful?”

He looked at her blankly. “What crystal stairs?”

Elner realized he must not have come that way, and asked, “How did you get up here?”

“I came up in a brand-new Cadillac convertible with heated seats!”

“Ahh, well…”

“Have you seen everybody yet?”

“No, not yet, just Ida so far, but I think I’m still in the checking-in part. If I pass that, then I think I’ll get to go on and see everybody else, and I can’t wait to see my husband, Will, again.”

Elner heard the front door slam, and said, “Well, I better go. I just wanted to say hey…and good luck with your lesson.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you later. Have fun.”

“Oh, I will,” she said. As Elner headed on out to the front porch, she chuckled to herself. Ernest had never struck her as being a particularly enthusiastic person before, but he seemed just tickled to death to be dead. Who would have ever believed it?