Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

The Sunset Club

9:02 PM

That night everyone had gone home after watching the sunset, except Tot and Elner, who were still sitting in the side yard talking about the good old days. Elner asked Tot, “Do you remember that maple syrup that used to come in a little tin house, looked like a cabin?”

“Oh yeah. And remember that three-in-one rainbow, pink and blue and white coconut candy? And that brown bread that came in a can?

“Hell,” said Tot, “I’m so old I still remember learning to read from those little Dick and Jane books they used to have. I guess old Dick and Jane are headed for the old folks’ home now…along with Nancy Drew, and the Rover boys. Little Orphan Annie must be a hundred and eight by now.”

Elner looked over. “Hey, Tot, I have a question for you. Do you ever have any regrets in life?”

Tot looked at her as though she had just lost her mind. “Regrets? Me? Oh, other than having an alcoholic for a father and an insane woman for a mother, marrying James Whooten, the biggest fool on the earth, and breeding two mutants, then marrying another man who dropped dead on our honeymoon…no, why?”

Elner laughed. “No, honey, I mean things you always wanted to do and didn’t do. I realized I never got to go to Dollywood and I was sad about it, but then, when I had the chance, I went, so now I can die without any regrets.”

“Well, it’s too late for me,” Tot said, taking another sip out of her beer. “My ship has sailed and sunk a long time ago.”

“Now, Tot, that’s just not true, honey. It’s never too late. Look at Norma, starting a brand-new career late in life.”

“I don’t want a brand-new career. I hate the old one, why would I want a new one?”

“You know, Tot, I haven’t told anybody else this, but being dead sort of puts things in perspective, and you need to try and enjoy your life and do things you always wanted to do before it’s too late. Take it from me.”

“I would, but there’s not anything I always wanted to do.”

“Oh, I’ll bet there is, Tot. You just wait and see. One day you’ll find something.”

“Well, it won’t be some man, I can tell you that. You were lucky. Will Shimfissle was a sweet man and just crazy about you. Everybody could see that. My James was just plain crazy.”