Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

Thank - You from Cathy

2:18 PM

The male nurse who had informed Gus Shimmer about the potential lawsuit against the hospital was very disappointed when Gus Shimmer informed him that the old lady’s niece would not sue. He had hoped to make a lot of money on his cut of the settlement, but he figured out another way he might be able to get something for his information. He picked up the phone and called his friend and got the number of a tabloid newspaper that would pay for stories of an unusual nature, and he had one.

That afternoon Norma had run into the Piggly Wiggly supermarket to pick up a few things to bring over to Aunt Elner’s house for Easter dinner, and was at the checkout counter when she glanced over and saw the headline on the front page.

MISSOURI FARM WOMAN, DEAD FOR FIVE HOURS SITS UP AND SINGS STAR SPANGLED BANNER!

Norma felt herself starting to faint and sat down on the floor before she hit the ground. Thankfully Louise Franks and her daughter Polly happened to be in line behind her and helped her up. The manager came over and they took her to the employee bathroom and sat her down on a chair and gave her a glass of water. When she could talk, she grabbed Louise’s hand and said, “I knew it. We’re ruined. We’re probably going to have to move out of the country now.” She wailed, “There goes my daughter’s career!” and sat sobbing in the chair. When Louise came back to the bathroom with the paper, and showed Norma the large photograph of the woman on the front page, she was thrilled to see the woman in the photo was NOT Aunt Elner!

After the male nurse had called in the story, the reporter from the tabloid assigned to cover it had called the local paper trying to get all the details, and had informed Cathy Calvert that she was willing to pay a lot of money for any cooperation Cathy could offer. After hearing the amount of money the woman was offering, Cathy had quickly and happily agreed to supply her with not only a story but a photograph of the woman as well. All the reporter had to do was agree to change the name of the woman and the town, and Cathy would give her the information for free. The reporter didn’t care about exact details or the validity of her sources. After all, The Inquiring Eye wasn’t The New York Times, and the reporter didn’t mind getting paid for work she did not have to do. Not only that, the gal wrote a hell of a good story to boot. That part about the old lady’s claiming she had been transported to another planet where all the women looked just like Heather Locklear was a great touch!

Finally after all these years, Cathy had found a way to pay Elner back for loaning her the thousand dollars. She had also spared Elner and the town from being overrun with all the crazies and the curious. The woman in the photo on the front page was Cathy Calvert’s grandmother on her father’s side, Leona Fortenberry, who had been dead for years, and had stayed dead as far as Cathy knew.

Norma recovered and went home, but in the excitement she forgot her sack of groceries. She was too embarrassed to go back and get them.