Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

Norma Puts Her Foot Down

4:32 PM

The next day as she drove over to Elner’s house, Norma was determined to put her foot down once and for all, but when she walked up onto the porch, before she could say a word, Aunt Elner hit her with a question.

“Hey, Norma, do you think that woman on that beeper commercial is an actress or a real person?”

“What woman?”

“The one that’s fallen and can’t get up.”

“Oh, that one. I’m sure she’s an actress.”

“She didn’t look like an actress to me, she could be a relative, don’t you think?”

“A relative? Whose relative?”

“Of the beeper people. She could be a family member, couldn’t she?”

“I suppose so, Aunt Elner, but speaking of that, I want to talk to you about something, and I want you to listen to what I have to say and not interrupt me.”

“Uh-oh,” thought Elner. From Norma’s tone she knew whatever she had to say was not something she wanted to hear.

Macky was in the kitchen chewing on the pimento cheese and celery sticks she had made to tide him over until dinner when Norma got back home from Elner’s.

He looked at her. “What did she say?”

Norma sighed and put her purse on the counter and washed her hands.

“Exactly what you said she would say. She won’t go.”

“You can’t force her, Norma. Everybody wants to be independent for as long as they can. I’m sure when the time comes—”

Norma interrupted him. “When the time comes? Macky, if you knock yourself out falling out of a tree and think you’ve just seen Ginger Rogers and orange and white polka-dotted squirrels and then you run off to Dollywood, I would say the time has come, wouldn’t you?”

“I know, but I think for her to have to go to a place like that would be terrible.”

“Well, I don’t know what’s so terrible about assisted living. Personally, I can’t wait to have somebody assist me. I’d go early if I could. I understand why people want to be movie stars, it must be nice to have people waiting on you hand and foot, catering to all your whims, is all I can say.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’d hate not being in charge of everything.”

“I would not, and what would you know about it anyway? You’ve had assisted living all your life. First your mother, then me. You’ll sail on into it and not miss a beat. I’m telling you, Macky, I am one step away from checking myself into a room over there at Happy Acres for good, then you and Aunt Elner can be independent for as long as you like.”

Macky said, “They may call it an assisted living facility, but it’s still an old folks’ home no matter what fancy name you give it.”

“And what’s the matter with an old folks’ home? She is old. How old, we will never know, thanks to Mother.”