Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

Oh Dear…

11:30 AM

As she left the office, Norma was a little confused. Mr. Pixton was very nice, of course, but she wondered why he had wanted to show her all those blueprints of the new buildings they were going to build in 2012. When she got back down to the room, Aunt Elner was sitting there with the remote in her hand, busy flipping back and forth from channel to channel on the television set up above her head. “Hey, Norma,” she said, “I don’t think they get cable here. I was hoping they got the Discovery Channel, but I can’t find it.”

Norma sat with Elner while she ate her lunch, and Elner was as happy as a lark. She had ordered three Jell-Os and two orders of ice cream, and for some unknown reason they had brought it. Nevertheless, Norma watched Elner carefully for signs of anything unusual, but she seemed perfectly normal, chatting away with every Tom, Dick, or Harry who came into the room. Norma was beginning to feel a little better, but just to be on the safe side, when they were alone, she asked, “Aunt Elner, now you’re sure you didn’t tell anybody else about your…little trip?”

Elner looked at her. “No, honey,” she said. “Just you.”

Norma was relieved for a moment, until Elner added, “And those people that just took my deposition.”

Norma said, “What? Oh my God. What people?”

“Just some redheaded lawyer and a girl.”

“When?”

“Just now, while you were gone,” she said, still flipping the channels. “But don’t worry, I didn’t tell them about seeing your mother or Neighbor Dorothy, I just told them about floating over the hospital roof and seeing the shoe.”

Norma cringed. “Oh my God.” Norma suddenly was afraid that something like this could hit the papers, and then the entire family could wind up as tabloid fodder. “Oh my God,” she thought, “they could be checking for family skeletons right now,” and she started to hyperventilate and ran over to the sink and threw cold water in her face.

Elner looked over at her. “Well, Norma, the girl made me swear to tell the truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the truth. You didn’t want me to outright lie, did you?”

“Yes! Oh…no. Oh Lord.”

Norma excused herself and quickly ran up to Franklin Pixton’s office, while doing her deep breathing, and asked Miss Hampton if she could see him right away.

As she walked into the room, her knees were shaking. “Mr. Pixton, I’m so sorry to have to bother you, but…” She looked around the room and lowered her voice. “This is a little embarrassing, but I wanted to speak to you about that…deposition?”

Pixton pretended he did not know what she was talking about.

“Deposition?”

“Yes, my aunt said your lawyer just came in and took her deposition?”

“Oh, that,” he said. “Oh, yes, I forgot. It was just a quick little thing for our records, nothing to be alarmed about.”

“Yes, well, I just wanted to explain to you that my aunt…Well, she may be just a little bit confused, and anything she might have mentioned about, uh, floating around in the sky and seeing strange shoes or anything…I just hope it won’t be used against her or get out in public.”

Franklin was quick to reassure her. “Oh, of course not, Mrs. Warren. That deposition is strictly a confidential matter, and as far as anything she may have mentioned about floating, don’t think a thing of it. NDEs are a fairly common occurrence.”

Norma said, “I’m sorry?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. NDEs. ‘Near-death experiences.’ Reports of people experiencing a floating sensation, seeing white light, speaking with dead relatives, religious figures, and so on and so forth. Quite common.”

Norma was somewhat relieved. “So, it’s not unusual?”

“Not at all. It’s sort of a hallucinatory experience, caused by oxygen suddenly leaving the brain, certain endorphins being released. But as far as we are concerned, it’s completely unimportant.”

“I see, and so it won’t be on public record or get in the papers or anything?”

“Oh no, never, and frankly, Mrs. Warren, I see no reason why we shouldn’t just strike anything of that nature out of the deposition. I’ll call Winston and take care of it right away, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh, thank you so much. I was a little concerned.”

“Rest assured it will be taken out.”

Norma thanked him profusely and left feeling much better.

Franklin didn’t know what was in the deposition, and he didn’t care. All he knew was that Winston Sprague thought the old woman was as nutty as a fruitcake, and he was beginning to wonder about the niece, as well.