Can't Wait to Get to Heaven

Ask Me No Questions

6:47 AM

Macky waited until a few days after she was home to broach the subject of the gun with Aunt Elner. On the fourth morning, they were sitting on the back porch as usual watching the sun come up, having coffee, and talking before he went to work.

Elner was saying, “There was the prettiest sunset last night, Macky, it’s getting later and later. Pretty soon we will be able to sit out until seven-thirty. I didn’t come in last night until a little past seven.”

“Oh yeah, summer is definitely on its way.” He then looked over at her and said, “Aunt Elner, did you know that there was a gun in your dirty-clothes basket?”

“There was?” she said as innocently as possible.

“Yes, you know darn well there was.”

Elner looked out into the backyard at the cat who was stalking around. “I think old Sonny is getting fat, don’t you?” she said, trying to change the subject. “Look at him, he just waddles anymore.”

“Aunt Elner,” Macky said, “you’re busted so you might as well tell me where it came from. Luther said it wasn’t his. Was it Uncle Will’s gun?”

She didn’t answer for a while, then said, “Macky, all I can say is, ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”

“Aunt Elner, this is serious. Now listen, I didn’t tell Norma it was a real gun, I covered for you.”

“Thank you, honey,” she said.

“You’re welcome, but you need to be honest with me. I need to know where that gun came from.”

“All I can say is that it wasn’t Will’s gun.” She looked up at the ceiling. “I’m gonna have to take a broom to those corners, look at those spiderwebs.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me where it came from.”

“Honey, I would if I could.”

“All right, just tell me this then. You haven’t done anything you shouldn’t have, you haven’t shot anybody, have you?”

She laughed. “What a question. Good heavens.”

“Well, wherever it came from, it’s long gone now. I took the damn thing out and threw it in the river. You know I have never fussed at you before, but I love you too much to take a chance on you hurting yourself or somebody coming in here and finding it and shooting you with it.”

She sat there looking chagrined. “Where in the river?”

“Never you mind where, just promise me that from now on you will keep away from guns.”

“OK. I promise.”

He felt bad he had to be stern with her and walked over and kissed her. “Well, all right then, let’s just forget about it, OK?”

“OK.”

“I’ve got to go to work. I love you.”

“Love you too,” she said.

She had learned a lesson that day that very few people on earth have a chance to find out firsthand and after the fact. When you are dead, people go through all your things, so if you have anything you don’t want found, you better get rid of it before you go!

Elner hated not being able to tell Macky what he wanted to know, but she had certainly never stolen anything or killed anybody. True, she may have been guilty of hiding and withholding evidence from the police, but what the heck. Besides, some people just needed killing. She remembered when her husband, Will, had had to shoot a rabid fox. Nobody is happy about it, you hate to do it, but you have to protect your chickens, and you can say self-defense until you are blue in the face, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. She periodically asked herself if she had it to do over again, would she? The answer was always yes, so her conscience was clear. Besides, Raymond hadn’t said a word about it, so she figured she was home free on that count.