Anam Cara

Dignity of Presence

There is great beauty in dignity; it is a special quality of presence. It is lovely to behold people who inhabit their own dignity. The human body is its own language. Every gesture you make speaks about who you are. The way you hold yourself, how you walk, sit, speak, and touch things tells of your quality of soul. Some people have a clear dignity of carriage and composure. You sense their self-respect and the ease with which they are at home in their own presence. There is no forcing of presence; they do not drive themselves outwards to impress or ingratiate themselves. Other people squander their dignity completely. They live a half-mile outside themselves, their personalities sprung in search of notice and affirmation. Your presence inevitably reveals what you think of yourself. If you do not hold yourself in esteem, it is unlikely that others will respect you either.

The beauty of dignity is its truth. When you were sent to the world you were given great freedom. This is a gift we forget. Regardless of how you appear to others, you are free to view yourself with affection, understanding, and respect. Although you depend on the affection and love of others to awaken your love for yourself, your sense of self should not depend on outside affirmation. When you have a worthy sense of your self, this communicates itself in your physical presence and personality. Outer dignity is gracious and honourable; it is the mirror of inner dignity. No one else can confer dignity on you; it is something that comes from within. You cannot fake it or acquire it as you would an accent. You can only receive the gift of dignity from your own heart. When you learn to embrace your self with a sense of appreciation and affection, you begin to glimpse the goodness and light that is in you, and gradually you will realize that you are worthy of respect from yourself. When you recognize your limits, but still embrace your life with affection and graciousness, the sense of inner dignity begins to grow. You become freer and less dependent on the affirmation of outer voices and less troubled by the negativity of others. Now you know that no one has the right to tarnish the image that you have of yourself.

There is such a feeling of shame when you let yourself down, when you have acted beneath your dignity. There is something demeaning about having done something that is “infra dignitatem.” You would give anything to return to the point two minutes before the event and act differently. Having dignity of presence is not to be equated with being nice, always good, or behaving conventionally. You can be as free as the wind in your views, beliefs, and actions; you could be angry and awkward at times and still hold your dignity. Neither is dignity equivalent to stiffness or arrogant aloofness of personality. Dignity allows an immense pliability and diversity of presence, but still holds the sense of worthiness and the honour of a larger horizon of grace and graciousness. Even in compromising and demeaning situations, you can still hold your sense of dignity. At such times your sense of dignity will keep a space of tranquillity about you. In the Third World, one is often struck by the immense dignity of the poor. Even hunger and oppression cannot rob them of this grace of spirit. If you do not give it away, no event, situation, or person can take your dignity away from you. The different styles of presence reveal how we belong to ourselves.