Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

How to Receive Praise

In 2004, I was awarded the prestigious John Curtin Medal — named after Australia’s war-time Prime Minister — for exhibiting the qualities of vision, leadership, and community service in Australia. The presentation was made before dignitaries in Perth’s Curtin University.

When I was asked to give a short acceptance speech, I stated that it was a great honor and a surprise, because there were others in the Australian community who had done much more service than I had done. I also emphasized that I could not have achieved so much without the huge support of so many others.

The following year, I received an invitation to attend the award ceremony for the 2005 winner. Thinking that if others attended my ceremony, then I should attend theirs, I went.

That year, the medal was awarded to Doctor Joske, the then-head of haematology at one of Perth’s main hospitals. In his work with cancer sufferers, he had noticed that they received the world’s best treatment in surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy but inadequate aftercare. So he used his considerable influence to obtain a few rooms in the busy hospital to establish an alternative and complementary therapy center. There, anyone receiving conventional treatments for cancer could also receive acupuncture, foot massage, reiki, and other such treatments generally considered unscientific, all free of charge. He reasoned that, at the very least, the patients would receive comfort and relief and feel cared for when, say, someone massaged their feet for thirty minutes. Ridiculed by his fellow doctors, he pressed ahead and had remarkable positive results. I was inspired by his story.

Then Doctor Joske was asked to give his acceptance speech. He said that it was a great honor and a surprise, because there were others in the Australian community who do much more than he had done. He also pointed out that he could not have achieved so much without the huge support of so many others.

Sitting in the audience, I thought, “Hey! That’s my speech from last year.” Indeed it was. It is most people’s speech when given praise in public.

In Doctor Joske’s case, I was absolutely convinced that he well deserved the recognition that the John Curtin Medal gives. It made me think, “Perhaps, conceivably, I also deserved the previous year’s award? Many highly intelligent academics had thoroughly researched my work and its outcomes and decided I was worthy. What right had I to question their wise and informed judgment?” I concluded that yes, just as Doctor Joske deserved his award, so I deserved my medal. Only then did I receive the praise, albeit one year late.

Now when intelligent people give me praise, I pay due respect to their wisdom by receiving the praise, saying, “Thank you. I deserve that.”

My response makes people laugh because it is unusual, but they get the point and begin to accept praise themselves. It makes such a huge difference to their emotional well-being.

As a postscript, I previously rejected praise because I had been taught that it would give me a big head. It does not. Instead, receiving praise gives you a big heart.