Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

Holy Water

Another part of the Buddhist wedding ceremony is sprinkling the happy couple with holy water — for good luck. Actually marriages these days need all the luck that they can get, so I usually drench them in it! When much of the bride’s makeup begins to dissolve, with mascara dribbling down her cheeks, I explain to the husband, “Now you can see what she really looks like!” Better he finds out now than later, I say.

Coming in from overseas to Perth Airport one day, I read the full version of the Australian customs regulations. I was surprised to read that one of the items that you are prohibited to import into Australia is holy water. Check it out! Perhaps this is the reason for such a prohibition:

In the good old days when Australian airports had a “green channel” through which you could just walk out of the airport, an Australian traveler was stopped at random. When the customs officers opened his suitcase, they found two bottles of undeclared whiskey hidden under the jackets and trousers.

“What are these?” asked an officer.

“I am a religious man,” said the traveler thinking quickly. “I have just returned from a pilgrimage to the holy site of Lourdes in France. This is only holy water.”

“Hmm,” replied the customs officer, “then why does it say Johnny Walker on the label?”

“I had to carry the holy water in something. These were two empty bottles that I used, okay? Can I go now?”

The suspicious customs officer decided to open one of the bottles to test it. He held it up to his nose and declared, “This isn’t holy water. It’s whiskey! Smell it for yourself.”

The traveler put the bottle to his nose, took a whiff, and exclaimed, “My God! You are right. It must be another miracle. Hallelujah!”

And from that time on, maybe, holy water became an item that people were prohibited from bringing in to Australia.