Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

Monks and Nuns Beating the Odds

I don’t know why it is, but Buddhist monks and nuns seem to be able to beat the odds, which may be why we are not permitted to gamble.

A well-known Buddhist nun had just finished teaching a meditation retreat in the UK and had stopped for lunch on her way to Heathrow airport. The restaurant that they chose was attached to an English pub, and they had to pass through the bar to enter the dining room. After their lunch, the driver decided to get rid of a small number of English coins in the jackpot (pokie) machine in the bar. She had just inserted a two-pound coin when the Buddhist nun walked past.

“You have all the good karma, Sister. You pull the handle,” said the driver.

In a moment’s lapse of mindfulness, the Buddhist nun pulled that handle. The wheels went round before stopping one by one.

Jackpot! The bells rang and lights flashed as thousands of pounds poured out of the machine onto the nun’s simple patchwork robe.

Patrons in the pub fell silent and stared. The barman picked up a small bell and began ringing it. Then he announced to the stunned nun that, according to long-standing tradition, whoever wins the jackpot must buy a round of drinks for everyone in the bar!

Thus it was that for the first time in 2,500 years since the Buddha meditated on this earth, a Buddhist nun bought whiskeys, gin and tonics, and beer for dozens of happy customers in a bar.

As for my own gambling story, a few years ago a disciple asked me to bless his friend’s new shop. My mistake was not asking what type of shop it was.

When I arrived in the shopping mall early one morning for the ceremony, I discovered that it was a stall selling only one product, lottery tickets! It was too late for me to get out of performing the ceremony, so I blessed the lotto stall with as much gusto as I would bless a doctor’s clinic.

A couple of years later, I was reading the weekend newspaper when I saw a feature article on that same lottery stall that was entitled “The Luckiest Lottery Shop in Australia.” And where is that shop? I am not telling. Also, I am not blessing any more lottery shops!