Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

The Answering Machine

Monks like to spend their time meditating rather than answering the phone. Some people assume that monks have nothing else to do all day than man — I mean “monk”—the phone, answering every caller’s problems about marriage and mental health or about giving blessings. I call this the “Dial-a-Monk Service.”

So we recorded a new voicemail message at our monastery:

“If you want to hear a recorded blessing chant for good luck, press 1.

“If you want to speak to one of the monks, you are out of luck, so press 1 anyway!”

Now we can meditate in peace.