Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

Dealing with BIG Trouble

While teaching in Malaysia, my hosts asked if I would see a friend of theirs who was in big trouble. She had been to psychologists and therapists, but no one had been able to help her. They thought perhaps I could help.

I did not know what her problem was, but I did know that if all the best professionals had not been able to help her, then I would have to do something very different. Indeed it is not hard for a monk to think “outside the box,” because we actually live outside the box.

When she came in to see me, I made my mind empty of all thoughts. Being a professional meditator, it is something very easy for me to do. Then she proceeded to tell me how she had been brutally raped.

After she had finished the harrowing story, I heard these words come out from a place within my empty mind and through my mouth: “You are so fortunate to have been raped!”

I was shocked at what I had said. The woman in front of me was even more stunned. These words had not been premeditated. They just came out from a very quiet place in my mind by themselves. I soon made sense of them. I told her:

“I will never be able to comprehend what you have gone through and how you must feel. But what I have seen is that you have substantial inner spiritual strength. You will find your way out of this horrible hole, and when you do, you will be able to say something that I’m incapable of saying. You’ll be able to look deeply into the eyes of another victim of rape and tell her ‘I understand how you feel, for I’ve been there too.’ Then you’ll be able to do even more. You will be able to tell her the way out, saying, ‘Take my hand. I know how to get out of this horrible hole.’ I’ll never be able to do that. That is what I meant when I said ‘You are so fortunate to have been raped.’ You will later help so many others.”

The woman understood. Somehow, my words had given the terrible experience a meaning and given her an important task to perform, not just for herself, but also for the comfort of many others.