Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

Mummy, I’m Leaving Home

We often fear that if we let someone go, they will never come back. The opposite is often the case.

If you keep a bird locked in a cage, then one day, when you leave the cage door open by accident, the bird will fly away and never return.

Alternatively, if you keep the cage door open, ensuring that the cage is comfortable with a plentiful supply of good food, then the bird will fly away but always come back.

A young Australian Buddhist mother told me that her six-year-old son was so upset one afternoon that he pronounced in all seriousness, “Mummy, I don’t love you anymore, and I am leaving home!”

“Okay darling. I’ll help you pack,” the mother replied.

So she accompanied her little boy into his bedroom and helped him pack all the essentials, like his teddy bear, lucky pants, and Spiderman costume, into his little suitcase. Having packed the suitcase, mum went into the kitchen and made her son’s favorite sandwiches, placed them in a brown paper bag, and gave them to her six-year-old so he would not go hungry when he left home.

Standing at the open front door of their house, the mother waved her son goodbye, “Bye-bye, darling! Don’t forget to keep in touch!” The young child, carrying a suitcase in one hand and the sandwiches in the other hand, walked to the end of the short garden path, opened the gate, turned left, and walked off into his future.

Less than fifty metres later, the six-year-old was homesick. He turned around, walked back to the gate, and ran the short distance to the door of his home and into the welcoming arms of his mother, who hadn’t moved.

That was a very wise mum. She knew her little six-year-old wouldn’t go far from a loving home.

When I told that story to a psychologist from Singapore, she couldn’t stop laughing. After she had pulled herself together, she explained that almost the same thing had happened to her when she was a very young girl. She had an argument with her mother when she was six and demanded to leave home. Her mum immediately agreed and helped pack her bag. This young girl didn’t receive any sandwiches, however. Her mum gave her ten Singapore dollars to buy her own lunch! Her mum then accompanied her to the elevator, as they lived in an apartment block. The elevator arrived, the six-year-old girl stepped in, and the mother waved her goodbye as the elevator doors closed.

This young girl did not even make it outside the elevator before she became homesick. By the time the lift had reached the ground floor, she missed her mummy and her home terribly. She pressed the button for the floor on which she lived. When the elevator doors opened, mum was standing there with open arms. “Welcome home, darling!”

When the bonds of love are strong, you can let people go, knowing with certainty they will come back.