Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

Hearing Voices

A friend of mine was relaxing at home on his sofa, reading Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?, when suddenly he heard a strange sound, almost like a whisper. He paused reading, and leaning forward, listened carefully.

“… hey,” it seemed to say.

He glanced around the room, but no one was there.

“Hey.” he heard again, this time louder.

The door was closed and the windows shut, so he decided he must be imagining things. With a shrug of the shoulders, he nestled back into the sofa and went back to reading.

“HEY!” came a shout this time, and he jumped back, nearly toppling over the sofa. This time, it was so strong and so clear, he couldn’t be imagining things.

“Go to the casino,” the voice said.

Now, it’s not every day that you receive supernatural help for your finances. Trusting in the voices from beyond, he decided to go gambling. He got dressed, took some cash, and before he knew it was stepping through the revolving glass doors into the world of flashing lights and raucous punters.

As he walked in, the voice spoke again, “Go to the roulette table. Place a hundred dollars on number 6.” Following the voice, he made his way to a crowded table and placed the bet.

The croupier spun the wheel and slung in the ball. The ball landed on number 6.

“Yeah!” he heard the divine voice say.

There was a murmur in the crowd. He had just won a considerable amount of money. My friend was excited.

“Place all the winnings on number 17! Place all the winnings on number 17!” he heard the voice say. Buzzing from the win, he did just so.

With a raised eyebrow, the croupier spun the wheel once more. The crowd held its breath in anticipation. This would be a big win. And guess what? It hit number 17.

“Woo hoo!” the voice cheered along with the crowd, exploding in excitement. People began elbowing in to watch the mystery unfold, the table now awash with bodies.

My friend was up to $100,000!

He clutched the table, breathing rapidly. The room around him was spinning, a kaleidoscope of flashing lights. He made out the gaze of the croupier, who gave him a broad smile. He sensed this man was on his side.

“Do you wish to continue?” the croupier asked gently.

“Put the whole lot on number 23! Put the whole lot on number 23!” urged the divine voice again, and that seemed to be the answer.

He took pause. Winning this throw would be astronomical. He’d never have to work again. He’d be set for life. Amid the mayhem, he searched in his heart for the answer. The crowd looked on.

After a few moments, he took a deep breath and went all in.

“That’s it! Go for it, son!” yelled one of the punters, breaking the silence, and with whistles and claps the crowd urged on.

The croupier, now wide-eyed, swung the ball in… and round and round it twirled, as if forever. Our friend could hardly breathe. The crowd now demanded silence, and a hush fell. No one spoke a word. The wheel spun and spun, and then began slowing to a stop… It landed in number 23!

A few members of the crowd shouted out in amazement, but others stood frozen, holding on to each other in tension, for they could see what our friend saw.

The ball was bouncing around in slot 23, teetering on the edge as the wheel spun round. The ball was poised on the edge, the wheel spinning in slow motion. It finally tumbled, and before our friend could shout for joy, it bounced out, and into number 24.

The crowd was stunned. Our friend had lost everything.

In the deathly silence, he heard the supernatural voice once more, “Oh shit! Sorry! Oh shit!”

Even supernatural voices make mistakes, so don’t trust them. Believe in your common sense instead.

People gamble because they stupidly think that by listening to divine voices, by praying at churches or temples, or by making promises such as “I will give up smoking if you will let me win,” then they can beat the system. You are no different than anyone else. You cannot beat the system. The system will beat you!

It is just the same as a soccer fan watching an important match on TV at home who shouts out “Pass the ball! Shoot! Come on!” They actually think that they can influence the game by all their screaming and hollering. Consider this rationally, you are shouting at a television set. The players are hundreds of miles away and cannot hear you! You are impotent, so sit down, watch the game, and shut up.

It is just like the gambler who shouts at the slot machine, “Come on! Come on!” Slot machines do not have ears. They cannot hear your prayers. You have no power to beat the odds. When you let go of your conceit that you are different from everybody else, when you understand that no one can beat the odds, then you will give up gambling.