Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

The Bully

Wherever there are hierarchies, there will be those who deliberately try to intimidate or persecute those who are weaker. There are bullies in the schoolyard, bullies in the workplace, and even bullies in a monastery, as the following anecdote describes.

In my first year as a monk, while I was squatting on the ground after lunch washing my alms bowl and spitoon, a more senior monk strode up to where I was sitting, loomed over me with monstrous menace, and screamed, “Brahmavamso! That is a filthy habit! You should not wipe your alms bowl with the same cloth that you use to wipe the spitoon! Stop it at once!”

Junior monks are expected to show deference to their seniors, but this was too much. The senior monk was trying to intimidate me. Moreover, every other monk was doing what I was being rebuked for. It was unfair, picking on me.

Fortunately, I had the answer for this bully. I calmly did what he asked.

Even though I was churning inside, I used all my powers of self-restraint to keep my mouth closed, walked slowly to where some rags were kept, picked one up, returned even slower to my seat, and wiped the waste vessel with the rag. All the while, I felt the eyes of the many other monks following me. Then I looked up at the bully. All the other monks looked at him as well. They were waiting to see how he would react to my unexpected compliance. All was still for a long two minutes, at the end of which his face went a red brighter than a fire engine. Then he retreated. He never tried that on me again.

Bullies want to prove that they are superior to you. In a spiritual community, such as a monastery, the above method works only when the bullying occurs in public. In an office or a school, or in a private setting, it may be perceived that you are just weak and deserve to be dominated. So if you cannot outsmart the bully or stand up to them, report them to their superiors.

The goal should be to prove that you are at least their equal in wisdom and courage, if not better than them.