Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

The Dangers of Driving Drunk

Buddhist monks are not allowed to turn water into wine, which may be why there are more Christians than Buddhists in Australia.

Many years ago, a man in Sydney decided to drive home after an office party where he had had too many beers. He reckoned there was a very good chance he wouldn’t get caught.

That evening however, the Sydney police had established a roadblock on a popular route to check the alcohol level of every driver. As luck would have it, the roadblock was on this man’s way home, and seeing the roadblock up ahead, he realized he was trapped. There was no way out.

He pulled over, waiting in line to be tested, and he resigned himself to being heavily fined, or maybe even losing his driver’s license. All he could do was to wait for the inevitable misery and humiliation. He felt the darkness of doom about to swallow him, and he sat glumly, cursing his bad luck.

When it got to his turn for testing, the officer asked him to step out of his car and handed him a breathalyzer to blow into.

He took the machine and was about to blow into it, when just at that moment, there was a loud CRASH! A vehicle pulling over at the roadblock had slowed down suddenly at the roadblock and had been rear-ended by the car behind. The officer took back the device, saying, “I have to attend to this accident. Get back in your car and go home.”

Stunned and in disbelief, he spun around, stumbled into the driver’s seat, put his foot on the pedal, and made a swift exit, singing to himself all the way home.

The following morning, he awoke to the sound of his doorbell. As he crawled out of bed to dress, he held his throbbing head, for he had a terrible hangover from all the partying the night before. A few minutes later, after stumbling down the stairs, he opened his front door to see two large Sydney policemen standing outside.

He was alarmed at first, but then he thought, “They can’t arrest me now. I’m not driving.”

“Good morning, officers,” he said, collecting himself. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Good morning, sir. Would you mind if we took a look inside your garage?”

He thought for a moment. He had nothing to hide. So what the hell?

“Of course,” he replied with a smile. “I always like to be of assistance to our local police force. Come with me.” And he strode confidently toward the garage.

But when he opened the garage door, his face went white, his lips began to quiver, and his eyes bulged so far they almost came out of their sockets. For inside his garage… there was a police car! He’d driven the wrong car home!

Such are the dangers of drunk driving.