Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

The Politician in the Well

Sometimes in life, you don’t step in the shit, someone throws it on top of you! The following story gives advice on what to do in such a situation.

A well-known politician with a dodgy reputation was strolling through the woods when he fell into a neglected well. Fortunately the well was dry, and his skull was so thick that he incurred no injury. Unfortunately, the well was too deep for him to climb out, so he screamed for help. Usually, a person becomes hoarse after yelling for a couple of hours, but being a professional politician with many years of experience, after three hours he was just getting into his stride.

Then a farmer came along, heard the noise, and discovered the politician at the bottom of the well.

“Help me!” said the politician.

“No way!” replied the farmer, recognizing him.

The farmer hated politicians, especially ultra-sleazy ones like this one. Moreover, he had always meant to fill that dangerous well. So he got out a spade and started shoveling dirt into the well. He would bury the politician and plug the well at the same time!

When the politician felt the mud being thrown on top of him, it was nothing unusual to him. Nevertheless, when he realized that the farmer’s intention was to bury him alive, his screaming went to a higher level normally only heard at election time.

“I promise I will lower your taxes! I guarantee I will increase farm subsidies! I swear I will grant all cows free healthcare! Trust me!”

On hearing those words “Trust me!” the farmer began shoveling the dirt into the well even more vigorously. The politician began to shout more desperately. Then he went quiet.

The farmer thought that he had buried that politician and so carried on shoveling at an easier speed. The farmer was too busy shoveling to notice a strand of hair appear above the top of the well. As he shoveled more, the crown of a head could be seen. Then after he had put a little more earth in the well, he saw the smiling head of the politician. The farmer was now too shocked to carry on shoveling.

The politician had decided to stop complaining about having dirt thrown on him. Instead he’d shrug off the mud and compact it under his feet. After every shovelful of dirt, he would stand a few centimeters higher. Now he was high enough to climb out of the well and reward the farmer later with visits from the health inspectors and the tax collectors.

The moral of this story is that when life shovels shit on you, shrug it off, tread it in, and you will always stand higher in life.