Complete Works of Anton Chekhov

SCENE XIX.

The SAME, VOINITZEV with GUESTS, afterwards

ANNA PETROVNA and TRILETZKY.

VOINITZEV (running in). Ah-h . . . The very people we’ve been looking for! We’re going to light the fireworks! (Shouts.) Yakov, towards the river, march! (To Sofya Egorovna.) Have you thought it over, Sofya?

PLATONOV. She’s not going away. She’s decided to remain.

VOINITZEV. Yes? In that case, hurrah! Here’s my hand, Mikhail Vassilyitch! (Presses Platonov’s hand.) I’ve always believed in your eloquence... Let’s go and light the fires! (Goes with his guests into the depth of the garden.)

PLATONOV (after a pause). Yes, such affairs, Sofya Egorovna . . . H’m . . .

VOICE OF VOINITZEV. Maman} where are you? Platonov! (Pause.)

PLATONOV. I suppose I must go, the deuce take it, and I . . . (Shouts.) Sergey Pavlovitch, wait! Don’ t light without me! (Runs into the garden.)

ANNA PETROVNA (running from the house). Wait! Sergey, wait! All the guests aren’t here yet! Fire the cannon in the meantime! (To Sofya.) Let’s go, Sofya. You’re looking sad. . . .

VOICE OF

PLATONOV. This way, dear lady! We’ll sing an old song, without beginning a new!

ANNA PETROVNA. I’m coming, mon cher! (Runs away.)

VOICE OF

PLATONOV. Who’s coming into the boat with me? Sofya Egorovna, what about you making a pair with me?

SOFYA EGOROVNA. TO go or not to go? (Thinking.)

TRILETZKY (comes in). Hey, where are you? (Sings.) I’m coming, coming! (Looks fixedly at Sofya Egorovna.)

SOFYA EGOROVNA. What do you want?

TRILETZKY. Nothing.

SOFYA EGOROVNA. Then be off! I am not in a mood to chat tonight, or to listen...

TRILETZKY. I know, I know... (Pause.) I have a terrible desire for some reason to draw a finger across your forehead; what’s your forehead made of? A terrible desire ... by no means to humiliate you, but . . . for continence . . .

SOFYA EGOROVNA. Jester! (Turns away her face.) Not a comedian, but a jester, a clown!

TRILETZKY. Yes ... a jester . . . For my jesting I’ve received some meals from Anna Petrovna... Yes . . . and pocket money... But as soon as I get tedious, I’ll be sent away in disgrace. It’s true, isn’t it? I’m not the only one of this opinion. You’ve said it yourself when you dined with Glagolyev... SOFYA EGOROVNA. Good . . . I’m glad that you’ve been informed... Now you know that I know how to differentiate jesters from witty folk! If you were an actor, you’d have been a favourite with the gallery, but the stalls would have hissed you. ... I hiss you.

TRILETZKY. You’re amazingly witty... Excellent! I have the honour to bow to you! (He bows.) A pleasant farewell! I’d have chatted with you a while longer, but ... I quail, I’m overcome! (Goes into the depth of the garden.) SOFYA EGOROVNA (stamping a foot). Wretch! . . . A shallow creature!

VOICE OF

PLATONOV. Who’ll go on the river with me? SOFYA EGOROVNA. Ah . . . What is to be, is to be! (She shouts.) I’m coming! (Runs.)