Delphi Complete Works of Anton Chekhov

SCENE IV.

PLATONOV (alone).

PLATONOV. Really, am I drunk? Impossible. ... I drank so little I don’t feel quite myself... (Pause.) And when I spoke with Sofya, was I . . . drunk? (Thinking.) No, I wasn’t! I wish to God I had been! But I wasn’t! My accursed soberness! (He jumps up.) In what had her unhappy husband sinned against me? Why did I soil his honour before her? My conscience will never forgive me for this. I chattered on before her like a small urchin, showed off, play-acted, boasted... (Mocks himself.) “Why didn’t you marry a workingman, a sufferer?” Why should she marry a workingman, a sufferer? You fool, why did you say something which you did not believe? Ah! She believed you... She listened to the ravings of a fool and lowered her eyes! She, unhappy woman, grew soft, so tender... How stupid it all is, how insolent, uncouth! [Why did I kiss her hands? I shall have to pay dearly for this pleasure. And she gave me her cheek to kiss! Aaah ... I must leave this place... Everything’s finished for me!] I’m sick of everything... [The widow proved a woman, Sofya a silly girl, I . . . And Grekova?] (Laughs.) I’m stupid! It’s really absurd! He doesn’t take bribes, he doesn’t thieve, he doesn’t beat his wife, and he can think better than most, yet ... a worthless fellow, for all that! A laughable wretch! An extraordinary wretch! (Pause.) It’s necessary to leave ... I’m going to ask the inspector to give me another place. This very day I shall write to town.

(Enter Vengerovitch II.)