Complete Works of Anton Chekhov

SCENE I .

SASHA (sitting at the open window) and OSSIP (with a rifle across his back stands outside).

OSSIP. How did it happen? Very simply. ... I go walking in a little path in the wood, not far from here, and as I look I see she’s standing in a little ravine 5 she has her skirt tucked up and she’s scooping up water with the palm of her hand and drinking it and wetting her forehead with it. ... I go down close to her and watch her... But she doesn’t pay the slightest attention to me. Of course, I can understand that. I’m a fool, a moujik . . . why should she look at me? “Your Excellency,” say I to her, “are you having a nice cold drink?” “What business is it of yours?” she asks. “Go where you came from!” She says this and never looks once at me. ... I was taken aback, I may tell you. I felt ashamed and hurt, because I was a plain moujik... “Why do you keep on looking on me, you fool? Haven’t you ever seen people before?” And she looks me through and through... “Or,” she says, “do I please you?” “I can’t tell you,” says I, “how much you please me! Your Excellency, you are such a well

born, such an understanding person, and such a beauty. ... I never did see anyone better looking... Our village beauty Manka,” say I, “compared to you is a horse, a camel... You are so gentlelike! If I were to kiss you, I think I’d die on the spot!” She laughs at this... “Go ahead, and kiss me, if you like!” says she. Her words threw me into a heat. I went up to her, took her gently by her shoulder and kissed her mightily right here, on her cheek and neck all at once. SASH A (laughs). And what did she do?

OSSIP. “Now,” she says, “die on the spot! Go,” she says, “and wash yourself a bit oftener, and don’t let your nails grow!” And I went away.

SASHA. She’s a bold one! (Hands Ossip a plate of sour-cabbage soup.) There, eat! Sit down somewhere!

OSSIP. I don’t mind standing... I’m awfully grateful to you for your kindness, and one day I shall repay you. . . .

SASHA. Take your hat off! It isn’t proper to eat with your hat on. And say grace!

OSSIP (taking his hat off). It’s long since I’ve observed the sacred customs... (He begins to eat.) From that time, what I’ve been telling you of, I was as if I had gone out of my wits... Would you believe it? I neither eat nor sleep... She’s always before my eyes. ... I shut my eyes, and she’s there before me... I’ve grown so gentle-like, that I might as well go and hang myself! I almost drowned myself, I wanted to shoot the general... And when she became a widow, I began to carry out all sorts of errands for her. ... I shot partridges for her, trapped quails, painted her summer-house for her in many colours... Once I brought her a live wolf. ... I managed all sorts of pleasures for her... Once she commanded anything, it was done... If she had asked me to do away with myself, I’d have done it... Gentle feelings . . . What’s one to do with them?

SASHA. Yes . . . When I fell in love with Mikhail Vassilyevitch I didn’t yet know that he was in love with me . . . and I had terrible yearnings. Often, sinner that I am, I even implored God to grant me death... [But imagine, Ossip, my joy, when one day he walks up to me and suddenly says: “Little girl, would you like to be my wife?” Just imagine my joy... From joy I even lost all sense of shame and I flung myself on his neck! ] ossip. There, you see . . . where feelings lead to... (Drinks up what is left in the plate.) Can you spare any more cabbage soup? (Hands her the plate.)

SASHA (disappears for half a minute and returns to the window with a saucepan). There’s no soup left. What about some potatoes roasted in goose-fat?

OSSIP. Merci... (Takes the saucepan and eats.) I’ve had a fine feed! As I was saying, I was going about like out of my wits... Always the same thing, Alexandra Ivanovna... Always going about like that... Once last year I brought her a hare... “Here, allow me, Your Excellency . . .” say I to her... “I’ve brought you a squint- eyed beast!” She takes him in her hands, strokes him a bit, then asks: “Is it true, Ossip, that you’re a ruffian?” “It’s the honest truth,” say I, “people don’t say things for nothing. . . .” And I told her everything... “It’s necessary,” says she, “to make a new man of you. Go,” says she, “on foot to Kiev. From Kiev go on to Moscow, from Moscow go on to the Trinity Monastery, from the Trinity Monastery go on to New Jerusalem, and from there come home. Go on wandering, and you’ll come back in a year a new man.” And so I dressed up like a beggar, put a bag on my back, and went to Kiev... Well, I got better, but not quite... These are fine potatoes! In Kharkov I joined up with some respectable company, spent my money in drink, did a bit of wrangling and returned here. ... I had even lost my passport... (Pause.) Now she won’t take anything from me... Gets angry too...

SASHA. Why don’t you go to church, Ossip?

OSSIP. I’d go, but . . . The people would begin to laugh... Oh, they’ll say, he’s come to repent! And I have an awful feeling passing the church by day... There’re a lot of people about. They’d kill me.

SASHA. Well, why do you hurt poor folk?

OSSIP. Why shouldn’t I hurt them? It’s not the sort of thing you’d understand, Alexandra Ivanovna! Doesn’t Mikhail Vassilyevitch hurt anybody?

SASHA. No one! If he does hurt anybody, it’s without wanting to, by mere chance. He’s a good man!

OSSIP. I must admit I respect him more than anybody... That mock general, Sergey Pavlitch, is a stupid fellow. Your brother, too, isn’t clever, if he is a doctor. But in Mikhail Vassilyevitch there’s a clever mind! Has he a rank?

SASHA. TO be sure. He’s a collegiate registrar!

OSSIP. Well? (Pause.) He is a clever lad! So he’s got a rank too. H’m, a clever lad! Only there’s little goodness in him... He considers everybody a fool, a slave. ... Is it right of him? If I were a good man, I shouldn’t act like that. I should be kind to these fools, slaves and rascals... They’re a wretched folk, and it’s them one ought to pity... There’s little goodness in him... There’s no pride in him. He’s a hail fellow well met with everyone, but there’s not a drop of goodness in him... It’s not for you to understand. ... I humbly thank you! I could go on eating such potatoes forever... (He returns the saucepan to her.) Thank you...

SASHA. Don’t mention it.

OSSIP (sighing). You’re a fine woman, Alexandra Ivanovna! Why do you always feed me? Haven’t you, if but a single drop, of woman’s spite? You’re a devout woman! (He laughs.) The first time I’ve met such a one... Saint Alexandra, pray to God about us sinners! (He bows to her.) Rejoice, Saint Alexandra!

SASHA. Mikhail Vassilyitch is coming.

OSSIP YOU can’t fool me... He’s at this momentdiscussing tender feelings with a young lady... He’s a handsome man! If he wanted, he could get the whole female sex to follow him... He’s such a fine talker... (Laughs.) He’s trying to find favour with general’s widow... She’ll snubhim. Won’t consider his good looks. ... If he only wanted it, she too . . .

SASHA. You’re babbling too much. ... I don’t like it... Go, and God be with you!

OSSIP. I’m going. You should have been in bed long ago. Sitting up for your husband?

SASHA. YES.

OSSIP. You’re a good wife! Platonov must have sought for the likes of you for ten years with a candle. Well, he’s found one all the same... (Bows to her.) Good-bye, Alexandra Ivanovna! Goodnight!

SASHA (yawning). God be with you!

OSSIP (going). I’ll go home. ... My home is there where the floor’s the earth, the ceiling the sky, and no one knows where the walls and the roof are... Whom God has cursed, he lives in this house... It is large but there’s no place for one’s head... The only good thing about it is there’s no tax to pay.

THAT WORTHLESS FELLOW

PLATONOV

. . . (Stops.) Into the wood . . . Every bird, every lizard knows Ossip! There’s a stump, all lighted up! It’s as if a dead man had risen up from his grave... There’s another! My mother said that there’s a sinner under that stump, and the stump’s lit up to remind us to pray... And over me there’ll be a stump also lit up... I’m also a sinner... And there’s a third! There are so many sinners on this earth! (Walks away, and, after a couple of minutes, whistles.)