The Kings Of Cool

11

Rule of life Okay, more of a strong suggestion If you absolutely have to be an asshole?

Make yourself a little hard to find.

Go do your assholian bullshit and then lock yourself in your mother’s basement and put a towel over the Xbox to block the light, but don’t — beat someone up and then go surfing in your usual spot.

Just don’t do it, asshole.

First of all, try not being a dick for a change and see how that works out, but in any case don’t park your van where you usually stick the piece of shit while you’re out for one of your “sessions,” bra, because someone like Chon or, in this case, Chon might take a baseball bat to it.

Chon smashes out the headlights, the taillights, the windshield, and all the windows (baseball in the Steroid Era), then leans on the horn until Brian and his three buddies madly paddle in like “natives” in one of those old Tarzan movies.

Brian, who is a big freaking dude, comes out of the water first, screaming, “Dude, what the fuck?!”

Chon slides out of the car, drops the bat, and asks, “Are you Brian?”

“Yeah.”

Bad answer.

Seriously.

Bad answer.