Light and dark

[101]

AS SHE appeared to Tsuda, O-Hide was armored in her bias against him. This last attack in particular had been driven by sheer misunderstanding. Her voice, repeating “Sister, Sister,” grated on his ears. It displeased him immoderately that she should interpret his every effort to satisfy himself as intended to satisfy his wife.

“You think I’m henpecked, but you’re wrong.”

“Perhaps I am. You did ignore a phone call from Sister and went out of your way, in front of me at least, to appear indifferent.”

Facing O-Hide as she let fly such remarks one after the other, letting them fall where they might, Tsuda was pushed dangerously close to forgetting what was in his own interest. Lying motionless on his mattress, he voiced his annoyance to himself.

I warned O-Nobu not to get on the phone with this brat.

Like someone trying to distract himself from screaming nerves, he pulled repeatedly at his short mustache. Gradually his expression turned sour. Little by little, he grew taciturn.

This change in attitude had a surprising effect on O-Hide. Apparently assuming that her brother’s silence signified the shame he was feeling as the integument covering his faults was peeled away layer after painful layer, she intensified her assault. Her vehemence suggested she was feeling able to push him into comprehensive remorse.

“You were more honest before you got married to Sister. More straightforward, at least. I don’t want to be accused of saying things without evidence, so I’ll state the facts as they are. And I hope you’ll answer me straightforwardly. Before you were married, do you remember ever lying to Father as you are now?”

At this, Tsuda staggered for the first time. Clearly, what O-Hide said was true. But the truth resided in a place altogether different than she supposed. Tsuda would have said it was merely a coincidental truth.

“Are you suggesting that O-Nobu is responsible for this mess?”

“Yes, I am!” she would like to have answered, but she essayed a deflection instead.

“I haven’t said a word about Sister. I simply emphasized that fact as proof that you’ve changed, Brother.”

On the surface of things, it appeared that Tsuda had been defeated.

“Insist I’ve changed if you must; what’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong with it is how it feels to Father and Mother.”

“Is that so?” Tsuda replied at once and subjoined coldly, “I can’t help how it feels.”

“And still no regrets from you?” O-Hide’s expression seemed to be saying. “There’s more proof that you’ve changed.”

Tsuda’s looked at her blankly. O-Hide presented her evidence without hesitation.

“You’ve been worrying all this time that Kobayashi-san might have said something to Sister when you weren’t home.”

“What a nuisance you are! I’ve already explained I’m not worried.”

“But certainly you’re concerned.”

“Think what you like.”

“Fine. But either way, isn’t that proof that you’ve changed?”

“Nonsense!”

“It is! Undeniable proof! It proves how afraid of Sister you are.”

Tsuda rolled his eyes. Without lifting his head from the pillow, he looked up at O-Hide as though to peer inside her. A cold smile wrinkled the well-formed bridge of his nose. This show of composure caught O-Hide off guard. A breath away, or so she thought, from pushing him backward head over heels into a deep valley of remorse, she was obliged to wonder for the first time whether there might still be level ground behind her brother. But she was compelled to push forward as far as she could.

“Until just a little while ago, you looked right through Kobayashi-san as if he weren’t there. You paid no attention no matter what he said. So why is it that today you’re suddenly so afraid? Aren’t you afraid of a nobody like him because today it’s Sister he’s talking to?”

“Maybe. But what about it? No matter how afraid I might be of Kobayashi, it doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful to Father and Mother.”

“So you’re saying I have no business saying anything?”

“Something like that.”

O-Hide was livid. At the same time a bolt of lightning arced across her mind.