Light and dark

[154]

BEFORE TSUDA could leave for the hot springs, the first item of business on his agenda was meeting Kobayashi. On the designated day, having received from O-Nobu the money he would need, he turned back to her, smiling.

“It’s too bad he has to cost us so much.”

“Then you shouldn’t give it to him.”

“Believe me, I don’t want to.”

“Then why ever would you? Shall I go instead and turn him down?”

“I certainly wouldn’t mind.”

“Where are you meeting him? Just tell me and I’ll be happy to go.”

Tsuda wasn’t sure if O-Nobu was serious. But it was easy enough to imagine that encouraging something like this as if it were a harmless joke was not unlikely to backfire and leave him with an unmanageable problem. O-Nobu was a woman who acted on her word to the letter when the chips were down. It made no difference that this would entail breaking a promise; there was no guaranteeing she wouldn’t willingly undertake to reject Kobayashi in his stead. As a precaution against entering a danger zone, he purposely diverted the conversation in a frivolous direction.

“Such unexpected courage for a woman.”

“I believe I do have courage. But it’s never been tested so I don’t know how far it actually goes.”

“Let’s not put you to the test. I know it’s there and that’s quite enough. It can be awkward for a man when his wife starts throwing her courage around.”

“It shouldn’t be the least bit awkward. Not if a woman is being courageous for her husband’s sake.”

“I suppose there are occasions when a man might have cause to feel grateful,” Tsuda remarked with no intention of engaging in a serious dialogue. “But I can’t say I’ve seen you display any courage that’s worthy of admiration so far.”

“Of course you haven’t. Because I haven’t let anything out, nothing at all. Try having a look inside. Because it happens I’m not as placid as you think.”

Tsuda didn’t reply. But O-Nobu didn’t stop there.

“Do I appear to be so easygoing?”

“You do. Immensely.”

This unconsidered, vapid exchange brought from O-Nobu a faint sigh before she spoke.

“It’s so unrewarding, being a woman. Why did I have to be born a woman?”

“It’s no use haggling about that with me. You should hold your mother and father responsible and complain to them.”

O-Nobu smiled uncomfortably but had more to say.

“Just you wait!”

“For what?”

Tsuda was a little surprised.

“Just you wait and see.”

“I’m waiting, what the devil will I see?”

“I can’t say until something actually happens.”

“You can’t say meaning you don’t know yourself?”

“That’s right.”

“What a joke! Then your prediction is like grasping at clouds.”

“And I’m saying you just watch because my prediction will definitely come true any time now.”

Tsuda snorted. O-Nobu’s attitude, conversely, was gradually turning grave.

“I’m serious. I don’t know the details, but I’ve been thinking for a while now that the day was coming when I’d have to summon up my courage at a certain moment all at once.”

“At a certain moment all at once? Sounds like a fantasy.”

“I’m not talking about sometime in my whole life. I mean soon. A certain moment all at once that’s coming soon.”

“It’s sounding worse and worse. In the near future a day is coming when I’ll be subjected to a show of reckless courage from my wife — how am I to handle that?”

“I’ll be doing it for you. Just as I said before, this will be courage for my husband’s sake.”

Observing O-Nobu’s earnestness in her face, Tsuda was drawn in little by little. In his temperament there was no poetry equal to hers. In its place, somewhat distasteful facts oppressed him from a distance. Gradually O-Nobu’s poetry, what he had called her fantasy, became active in him. He had been toying with the wings of a bird thinking it was dead; when the wings began abruptly to move, it gave him an odd feeling and he wound up the conversation at once.

Removing a watch from his obi, he glanced at it.

“It’s time. I’d better be on my way.”

Standing, he moved to the front entrance followed by O-Nobu, who took a brown fedora from the hat rack and put it into his hands.

“Hurry back. Don’t forget to tell Kobayashi-san that O-Nobu sends her regards.”

Without turning around, Tsuda stepped into the chilly evening air.