Light and dark

[102]

“NOW I understand!”

O-Hide’s voice was sharp as a knife. But her clipped formality appeared on the surface to effect no change in Tsuda. There was nothing in his countenance to suggest he was prepared any longer to answer her challenge.

“I understand now, Brother.”

“Understand what?”

“Why you’re so concerned about Sister.”

Tsuda felt the budding of a certain curiosity.

“Say what you think.”

“There’s no need to say anything. It’s enough for me if you just acknowledge that I do understand.”

“Why should that matter? Just tell yourself you understand and keep quiet about it.”

“I can’t do that. You don’t consider me a true sister. As far as you’re concerned, I have no right to say anything to you unless it has to do with Father and Mother. So I’ll hold my tongue. But just because I don’t speak doesn’t mean I’m blind. I just want to be sure you don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m silent because I don’t know what’s going on.”

It seemed to Tsuda that discontinuing the conversation was the only course to take. Engaging even halfheartedly seemed likely to lead to trouble. Not that he had any intention of lowering his head to his sister. In his wildest dreams it would never have occurred to him to engage in histrionics like repenting in front of her. Normally he could have managed such a flourish, but when it came to O-Hide, whom he was accustomed to looking down on, he was prevented by an unaccountable pride. This was in fact an arrogance he found relatively easier to exhibit in her direction than toward others. Accordingly, though his words may have been conciliatory, they were essentially ineffective. As for O-Hide, she perceived only the contempt in her brother’s heart reaching her though his lukewarm protestations. It had been clear from his countenance for some time that he was feeling tormented beyond endurance, but she had no intention of showing him mercy. “Brother!” she began again.

At that moment Tsuda perceived a change in O-Hide. Until now she had been aiming her attack at O-Nobu. To be sure, she had also been attacking him, but that was because he stood in the line of fire: her intention had been to fell O-Nobu where she hovered behind him. At some point she had arbitrarily redefined her target. Now she charged directly at Tsuda.

“Brother! Does a sister have no right to say anything about her big brother’s character? Maybe she has no right — but assuming she has any doubts at all, isn’t it her brother’s duty to dispel them — I take back ‘duty,’ maybe that’s a word I have no business using — how about compassion? As a sister I feel so sad to be looking at a brother of mine who has no compassion.”

“What kind of impertinence is this? Hold your tongue! You have some nerve talking about something you know nothing about.”

For the first time Tsuda’s control of his fury slackened.

“What do you know about character? It’s preposterous that you think your girls’ school diploma qualifies you to even use the word in front of me.”

“I’m not putting any importance on the word. I’m concerned with facts.”

“Facts? Do you think a woman with your education can hope to grasp the facts in my head? How moronic!”

“If you’re going to dismiss me with such contempt, let me give you a warning. Are you prepared?”

“I have nothing to say to you. I just wonder how you can talk this way to a sick man. And you consider yourself my sister?”

“Because you don’t behave like a brother.”

“That’s enough.”

“I’m not finished. I’ll say what I have to say. You’re being used by your wife! You care less about Father and Mother and certainly me than you do about Sister.”

“Show me a world where it isn’t normal to care more for a wife than a sister.”

“That wouldn’t be so bad if that’s all it was. But there’s more, Brother! You care a lot about Sister, and at the same time there’s someone else you also care about.”

“Meaning?”

“And that’s why you’re afraid of Sister. And what you fear—”

In the middle of her sentence the fusuma slid open and O-Nobu’s pale face peered into the sickroom.