Light and dark

[83]

THE EXTRAORDINARY trajectory of the conversation that followed was launched by O-Nobu.

“But I wonder if what you say is true?”

Predictably, Kobayashi surfaced from the melancholy in which he appeared to have been submerged until now. And he rejoined, as O-Nobu had hoped, with a question of his own.

“Whether what is? What I said just now?”

“No, not that—”

O-Nobu cleverly lured her companion down a byway.

“What you were saying before — that Tsuda has changed a lot recently.”

Kobayashi was obliged to return to where he had begun.

“I did say that. Because there’s no mistaking it.”

“He has changed so much?”

“Yes he has.”

O-Nobu examined Kobayashi’s face with dissatisfaction on her own. Kobayashi, looking very much as though he had some kind of evidence in hand, stared back. All the while they held each other’s eyes, the shadow of a faint smile played at the corners of his mouth. But in the end the shadow faded before it had the opportunity to bloom into a genuine smile. The steadiness of O-Nobu’s gaze made it clear that she was not about to be toyed with or mocked by the likes of Kobayashi.

“Mrs. T! You must have noticed something?”

It was Kobayashi’s turn to prompt. Unquestionably O-Nobu had noticed. But the change she had perceived in her husband was tending in precisely the opposite direction from the changes Kobayashi had in mind or at least was speaking of. It felt as if, in some unfocused way, it had been coming to light gradually since she and Tsuda had been together, a subtle transition that moved slowly through stages of color and texture that were difficult to distinguish. This was a change the essence of which would be incomprehensible to an observer peering in from the outside, no matter how sensitive he might be. And it was O-Nobu’s secret. An infinitesimal change in a person she loved as he readied himself to detach from her, or perhaps a change in feeling as he began at last to acknowledge the sad truth that he was already detached. And how should someone like Kobayashi know of this?

“I haven’t noticed anything. Is there something so different about the way he is?”

Kobayashi laughed aloud.

“The great pretender. I can’t believe it. I’m no match for you, Mrs. T.”

“You’re the one who’s pretending.”

“Fine, have it your way. In any event, I had no idea you were so gifted. Now I finally understand. It explains Tsuda changing the way he has. I thought it was strange.”

O-Nobu declined to engage. But neither did she betray distress in her face. She struggled to appear unruffled, amiable even. Kobayashi boldly advanced another step.

“The Fujiis are all surprised, too.”

“At what?”

At mention of Fujii, O-Nobu had immediately turned her small eyes on her companion. Knowing she was being lured into a trap, she was unable nevertheless not to respond with the question.

“At your skill. At the miraculous skill that allows you to you hold Tsuda in the palm of your hand and do with him as you wish.”

He was too blunt. But his bluntness appeared to be half playful. There was no amusement in O-Nobu’s reply.

“I see. Do I have such power? It never felt that way to me, but if Aunt and Uncle Fujii do me the honor of saying so, goodness, it must be true.”

“It is true. I can see it and so can anyone, because it’s really there.”

“You’re too kind.”

The words conveyed unmistakable derision and an echo of bitterness that appeared to be beyond anything Kobayashi was expecting. He spoke again at once as if to console her.

“I can imagine you’re not aware of your influence on Tsuda-kun because you didn’t know him before your marriage.”

“I certainly did know him before we were married.”

“But you didn’t know him before that.”

“Obviously not.”

“But I’ve known him all along.”

In this manner the conversation finally turned back to Tsuda’s past.