Light and dark

[11]

YOSHIKAWA’S WIFE often chaffed Tsuda in this manner. When she was in high spirits it was even worse. On occasion Tsuda teased back. However, he perceived occasionally in her attitude the glitter of something neither quite jesting nor serious. In such cases his natural tenacity prompted him to halt in the middle of the conversation. Circumstances permitting, he would attempt to burrow down to the root of what his partner was saying in quest of her true feelings. When the necessity of reserve prevented him from going so far, he stopped talking and closely attended her countenance. At such times his eyes, as an inevitable consequence, appeared to cloud lightly with mistrust. Or perhaps it was cowardice. Or caution. Or perhaps it was light emitted by nerves tensing in self-defense. His eyes also assumed in those moments a hint of what might have been appropriately described as “well-considered anxiety.” Every time Tsuda encountered Madam Yoshikawa, she could be counted on to drive him once or twice into this place. Though he was conscious of being dragged, it happened nonetheless.

“You’re a hateful lady.”

“How so? Is asking your age hateful?”

“It’s how you ask, as if you’re implying something, but you leave your thought unfinished.”

“There’s nothing to finish. Your problem is you’re too thoughtful. Reflection may be essential to a scholar, but it’s taboo in social intercourse. If you could break that habit, you’d be a better man, better liked by others.”

Tsuda was a little hurt. But the pain went to his heart, not his head. In his head he responded to this ungloved blow with cool disdain. Madam Yoshikawa hinted at a smile.

“If you think I’m mistaken, try asking your wife when you get home. I know O-Nobu will agree with me. And not only O-Nobu — there’s someone else too, for certain!”

Abruptly Tsuda’s face tightened and his lips quivered. With his gaze adamantly fixed on his lap, he said nothing.

“I’m sure you know whom I mean?”

Mrs. Yoshikawa sought to peer into Tsuda’s face as she spoke. Of course he knew perfectly well to whom she referred. But he had no intention of confirming her prompting. Lifting his head again, he directed his silent regard in her direction. Madam Yoshikawa failed to understand what his eyes were saying in their silence.

“Forgive me if I’ve offended you. That’s not what I intended.”

“It doesn’t bother me—”

“Truly?”

“I’m not in the least concerned—”

“I’m so relieved.”

Madam Yoshikawa’s voice was buoyant again.

“There’s still a little boy hiding inside you, isn’t there! He comes out when we talk this way. Men seem to be having the rougher time, but it turns out you’re the lucky ones. Here you are thirty, and O-Nobu turning twenty-three this year, a big gap in years. But judging by your behavior, it’s O-Nobu who seems older. Maybe ‘older’ sounds impolite — how shall I put it?”

Madam Yoshikawa appeared to be deliberating about a word to describe O-Nobu’s manner. Tsuda awaited her choice with a degree of curiosity.

“Evolved, maybe? She’s certainly very clever; I’ve rarely seen such a clever person. Take good care of her.”

Her tone of voice suggested that Madam might as well have been saying “Watch out for her!”