Light and dark

[112]

BUT SHE felt that she and her husband were facing each other directly for the first time in a long while, and how happy that made her! It was a refreshing feeling, as though the thin curtain that had been hung between them at some point along the way had suddenly been cut and allowed to fall.

She must labor tirelessly to make him love her by loving him — such was her resolve. Her determination had spurred her to immense effort. Happily she had not labored in vain. In the end she would be rewarded. To the extent at least that she was able to divine the future, she would be rewarded. In her view, the current upheaval, an entirely unexpected incident it would have to be called, was in and of itself the dawning of her recovery. Above the distant horizon she was able to gaze at the pale brightening of a roseate sky. And in the warmth of the hope it conveyed, she forgot the unpleasantness the encounter had caused her to feel. But Kobayashi’s cruel remarks remained as a blot on her heart of an obscure nature. And the disquieting words spoken by O-Hide had become a star of doubt pulsing in her brain with a dull light. But these feelings had already receded to a vast distance. At the very least they were no longer so very painful. And she felt no need of recalling the memory of her agitation in the instant the words had assailed her ears.

Even in the event the unthinkable happened, I should be all right.

In the moment, O-Nobu was that confident in her husband. When the time came, she felt equipped to take whatever steps might be required to handle the situation. If that should entail moving an opponent out of the way, so be it, she would be more than up to the challenge.

What sort of opponent? What would she have answered if she were asked? This was an opponent sketched nebulously in pale ink. And it was a woman. A woman who wanted to steal away Tsuda’s love for her. That was all she knew. But she sensed that such an opponent was lurking somewhere. Had the confrontation between O-Hide and themselves not ended so badly, her next step in the course of things would have been to probe Tsuda for the identity of her opponent.

If anything, she felt happy about her intention not to proceed according to this strategy. Postponing her concern until later was something she could easily endure. For the moment it occurred to her that taking advantage of this opportunity to inscribe as deeply as possible in her husband’s mind the kindness she was feeling toward him now would be the strategic thing to do.

No sooner had she resolved to proceed this way than she told a lie. It was a trivial lie. To O-Nobu, however, firmly believing that the check she had brought had rescued her husband from a dire situation that was not only material but also spiritual, it was immensely significant.

Tsuda had reached for the check and was staring at it again. It was written for an amount that was actually greater than he had required. Before he addressed this, however, he spoke to O-Nobu.

“O-Nobu, thanks. This is a life-saver.”

O-Nobu’s lie escaped her lips immediately following his words of gratitude.

“The reason I went to the Okamotos yesterday was to get this from Uncle.”

Tsuda looked surprised. It was after all this same O-Nobu who had flatly refused when he had asked her to speak to her uncle about a loan. Wondering what can have accounted for this change in less than a week’s time, he felt in the presence of an unsolvable riddle. O-Nobu explained in the following way.

“I hated doing it, troubling Uncle for money. But, Yoshio, what choice did I have? How can I fulfill my duty as a wife to you if I can’t find the courage I need at a time like this?”

“Did you explain to Okamoto-san?”

“Of course, and it was painful.”

It was her uncle who had handled the lion’s share of the expenses for her wedding.

“Especially since I’ve behaved until now as if money were the last thing in the world we were worried about. That made it all the more awkward, I declare.”

Judging by his own disposition, Tsuda could easily understand the degree of awkwardness O-Nobu would have felt in such a situation.

“I’m impressed.”

“The hard part was bringing it up. It’s not as if they don’t have money.”

“But the world is full of difficult people like Father and O-Hide.”

The look on Tsuda’s face suggested his self-esteem had been damaged. O-Nobu spoke as if to reassure him.

“It’s not as if they’re the only reason I took the money. I have a promise from Uncle that he’ll buy me a ring. He’s been saying for a while that he’ll get me one now in return for not having given me anything when we got married. I expect that’s what he was thinking when he gave me the money. So you needn’t worry about it.”

Tsuda looked at O-Nobu’s finger and confirmed that the stone he had purchased for her was splendidly there.