Light and dark

[152]

SUBSEQUENTLY THE conversation flowed with an ease that could not have been predicted, and before long they had arrived at a second compromise. To satisfy his sense of friendship toward Kobayashi, and to make good on his promise, Tsuda would put aside a portion of the money O-Nobu had received to be presented to Kobayashi as a farewell gift before he departed for Korea. Nominally this would be a loan, but as the recipient would have no intention of repaying it and the money could not, consequently, be included in a budget for use at a later time, it amounted to a gift. Naturally enough, judging by the flush that came and went in her face, O-Nobu was obliged to overcome more than one attack of indignation to arrive at this point. To bestow on this presumptuous man a gift of money, or even, for that matter, to extend him a loan to help him in his hour of need in return for a signed note, would be, in her view, a kindness he scarcely deserved. Tsuda had no reason to expect her to feel otherwise; moreover, sensing the possibility that she was seeing through his insistence on her agreement to what lay behind it, he shuddered.

“I just don’t understand why you must be so kind to a man like that.”

O-Nobu repeated a similar sentiment a number of times.

Observing that Tsuda, who persisted in his appeal for compassion, betrayed no sign of taking her seriously, she persevered.

“I want to hear why. If you can just make clear to me what the circumstances are, and why that means not doing this would be dishonorable, you can use the whole check as far as I’m concerned.”

This was precisely the critical barrier O-Nobu must not be allowed to pass. Instead of defending Kobayashi, Tsuda alluded to their longstanding acquaintance and to his nostalgia about their history together. When he found himself being criticized for sentimentality, he was obliged to explain that Kobayashi today was a different animal from Kobayashi in the past. Seeing in O-Nobu’s face that she remained unsatisfied, he abruptly shifted to a more exalted tone and began a descant on ethics and humanity. However, since his remarks on humanism inevitably reduced to something pragmatic, there were moments when he moved in spite of himself and without noticing it straight toward the trap he had set himself and came close to being brought down by O-Nobu. An illustration of how this proceeded using simple examples and representative language might look as follows:

“In all events he’s suffering, and since he’s heading off to Korea because he can’t bear to be here anymore, I don’t see what’s wrong with feeling a little sympathy for him. You attack his character mercilessly, but you really go too far. I’m not saying he’s not hopeless. To be sure, he is, but when you consider how he ended up where he is, it’s not his fault. It’s just that he was disappointed. Because he couldn’t earn a living. Yet he’s no dullard or fool; he’s got a good head on his shoulders. But unfortunately he didn’t receive a proper education, and when you consider that’s why he turned out this way, you have to feel sorry for him. In other words, it’s his circumstances that are at fault, circumstances he didn’t create. When you consider that — he’s just an unlucky fellow.”

To this point, even as lip service, Tsuda had done splendidly, but he was unable to stop.

“And there’s something else to think about. There’s no telling what a person that desperate is likely to do if you oppose him. He declared right here that he was ready to fight with anyone, and he boasted that any fight he started would turn out well for him — this is a dangerous man. If I were to toss his request back in his face, he’d get angry. Just angry wouldn’t be so bad; he’d do something. He’d be sure to strike back. I have proprieties to maintain, but he has no constraints at all, which means that if something were to happen, I’d be no match for him. Do you follow me?”

By now his original humanism had been largely effaced. Even so, if he had only ended here, O-Nobu would have had no choice but to nod affirmatively in silence. But he moved onward.

“It would be one thing if all he did was attack the upper class and say nasty things about the wealthy as a matter of principle. But that’s not his way. He focuses on the reality. He tries to sink his teeth into whatever he can find, beginning with what’s within easy reach. So the one who gets damaged most is me. Which means that I’m well advised to show him the kindness he thinks he deserves from me, get him feeling all sunny and warm, and then pack him off to Korea as quickly as possible. Otherwise heaven knows what he might have in store.”

This last O-Nobu was unable to absorb in silence.

“No matter how wild Kobayashi might be, I can’t see what reason you could possibly have to be so afraid unless you were hiding something.”

Bandying words in this manner, it took them considerable time simply to agree about the check. But once the question of Kobayashi had been settled, the rest fell quickly into place. O-Nobu’s condition that she would be allowed to use the rest as spending money, indulging herself in whatever she desired, was conceded at once. In return O-Nobu agreed not to accompany Tsuda to the hot springs. She was also required to agree to his proposal that Madam Yoshikawa’s generosity in offering to pay travel expenses would be accepted.

On this chilly, autumn night, the wake of the upheaval the young couple had suffered finally subsided. For the time being, they separated.