Light and dark

[80]

WHEN SHE awoke the next morning, spineless was the farthest thing from what she was feeling; her entire body was bursting with the force of her determination She sprang out of bed. As she threw off the bedding, she felt the strength in her own arms. The impact of the morning chill on her flexed muscles made her body contract.

She opened the rain shutters one after the other by herself. Outside, it appeared to be much earlier than usual. It made her somehow happy that, in contrast to yesterday, she was up this morning if anything earlier than when Tsuda was here. A portion of her satisfaction was this compensation for having lolled about in bed yesterday.

When she had folded away her bedding and swept the tatami floor, she sat down in front of the mirror. She loosened her hair, which had been up for nearly four days. Running her comb twice or thrice through the greasy strands, which had stiffened, she forced them back into buns on either side of her head in the style favored by school girls. Not until she was finished did she go downstairs and wake the maid.

Waiting for breakfast to be ready, they did housework together; when O-Nobu sat down at her tray O-Toki, who knew nothing, seemed surprised that O-Nobu was awake at this hour. She also appeared to be feeling apologetic about having risen later than her mistress.

“I’m going to look in on my husband today.”

“So early?”

“I didn’t go yesterday, so I think I’ll leave a bit early today.” O-Nobu’s speech was politer than usual, well formed. It revealed a certain calmness. And an eagerness churned her calmness. The resolve accompanying her eagerness was also discernible in the background. Her state of mind was revealing itself in her comportment.

Even so, she made no effort to depart at once. When O-Toki came in with the breakfast tray, the cord that held up her kimono sleeves loosened, they chatted for a while about the Okamotos. This household, where O-Toki had begun her service, was a subject of keen interest to both of them, and they discussed the family often, to the point of repeating themselves. Particularly in Tsuda’s absence. When he was present, this had led on occasion to an uncomfortable situation in which he felt excluded. Having experienced once or twice an awkwardness that she quickly perceived was due to an imprudent turn in the conversation, O-Nobu, who desired to avoid the unpleasantness of being seen by her husband as a woman who enjoyed boasting about her affluent relatives, had previously cautioned O-Toki about the need for care in this matter.

“Has anything been decided about young miss?”

“There’s some talk but nothing definite—”

“It would be so wonderful if she could find someone suitable.”

“It won’t be long now. My uncle is impatient. Besides, unlike me, Tsugiko is so good-looking.”

O-Toki began to say something. Because flattery from her maid was painful, O-Nobu quickly resumed.

“If a woman isn’t attractive, she’s at a terrible disadvantage. No matter how clever she is, or how attentive, if she isn’t good-looking, men simply won’t like her.”

“That’s not so.”

O-Toki’s emphatic denial, as though in self-defense, prompted O-Nobu to an asseveration.

“Oh yes it is. Men are like that!”

“Maybe at first, but as they get older things change.”

O-Nobu didn’t reply. But her self-confidence wasn’t all that fragile.

“Plain as I am, my only hope is being reborn, and that’s the truth.”

O-Toki looked at O-Nobu in dismay.

“If Missus is plain, what in the world would you call me?”

O-Toki’s protestation may have been intended as flattery, but it was also the truth. Satisfied by the degree of each, which she perfectly understood, O-Nobu rose.

As she was changing her kimono to go out, she heard footsteps approaching the gate and the bell at the entrance rang. When O-Toki went out to see who it was, a voice could be heard saying, “A moment with Mrs. T—”

Attempting to discern to whom the voice belonged, O-Nobu inclined her head.