Light and dark

[110]

“IF YOU have something to say, Sister, I promise to listen carefully afterward, but please let me finish what I have to say even if it disturbs you. I’ll be only a minute longer.”

O-Hide’s request was oddly composed. She appeared to be moving in the opposite direction from the state she had been in during her collision with Tsuda, from frenzy toward mildness. Under the circumstances, this struck the other two as an unexpected transition.

“Brother!” O-Hide said. “Why do you suppose I didn’t give you this little package earlier? And why was I able to produce it just now without feeling uncomfortable? I wonder if you have any thoughts. Or if you do, Sister?”

It required no thought at all for either of them to interpret this invitation as a preface to more of O-Hide’s specious logic. This is how it seemed to O-Nobu especially. But O-Hide was in earnest.

“I wanted to use this to make you behave like a big brother. Maybe you’ll laugh at me for making a fuss about such a small amount of money. But for me the amount isn’t the issue. If I see an opportunity to make you behave like a brother, I leap at it. Today I tried my very best to do what I could. And I failed miserably. Especially since Sister arrived, I’ve been a horrible failure. And that obliges me to throw away my attachment to my brother as his sister — I beg of you, Sister, put up with me just a little longer.”

With these words, O-Hide once again restrained O-Nobu as she attempted to speak.

“I already know your position. Instead of listening to a long explanation from you I’d prefer to reach my own conclusions based solely on what I’ve seen here today, so I shan’t ask you anything more. But I must still explain myself, and I implore you to listen to what I have to say.”

Thinking what an extraordinarily presumptuous woman this was, O-Nobu said nothing. It cost her little to remain silent: from the outset she had been in possession of the leeway that goes to the victor.

“Brother!” O-Hide began. “Look at this. You see how carefully I wrapped it for you at home before I came here. That should tell you how I feel about this, the kind of person I am.”

O-Hide pointedly lifted the packet from alongside the pillow and held it up.

“This is called kindness. Since you two have no understanding of what that means, I have no choice but to explain it. And at the same time I must explain that even if my brother won’t behave in a brotherly way, I have no choice but to leave the kindness I brought from home at his bedside. Dear brother, does this represent your sister’s kindness or her duty? When you asked me that, I said they were the same. If your sister remains determined to show you kindness even though you won’t accept it, then how in the world does that kindness differ from duty? Isn’t it simply that you transform my kindness into duty?”

“O-Hide, we get it,” Tsuda said, speaking out at last. He had grasped clearly what his sister meant to say. But he wasn’t feeling any of the things she expected him to feel. He had put up with her tirade, devoutly wishing she would stop. In his view this sister of his was neither kind nor sincere. There was nothing attractive or appealing about her, nor was she high-minded. She was merely a pest, a nuisance, nothing more.

“We get it. That’s enough. More than enough.”

O-Hide had already given up and didn’t appear particularly resentful. She added merely, “This money isn’t my husband’s. If this were money he had put up for you because he felt responsible to Father when you broke an agreement that he’d guaranteed, I imagine even you wouldn’t feel so good about accepting it. And I would feel terrible about imposing on him. So I want to make it crystal clear that this money has nothing to do with Hori. It’s mine! And that should mean that you can take it without objecting. Even if you reject my kindness, you can at least accept my money. At this point I’d rather have you accept the money without a protest than offer me thanks you don’t mean. This isn’t for you anymore anyway. The truth is, it’s for me. Please, Brother, take the money for me.”

With these words, O-Hide rose. O-Nobu looked at Tsuda and discovered no hint or signal in his face. This left her no choice but to see O-Hide out, accompanying her downstairs. At the entrance to the clinic, they exchanged the standard pleasantries and separated.