Light and dark

[107]

THEY FOUND themselves in an odd predicament. Bound together by the course of the conversation, it became difficult gradually to shift away to other subjects. Leaving the room was of course impossible. Their only choice was to remain as they were and search for a resolution.

In the eyes of someone able to assess dispassionately and at a distance their respective positions and circumstances, their problem would have registered as something small and insignificant. Nor did they require someone to point this out to be well aware of it. Even so, they had to contend. The background they carried on their shoulders reached out with complex hands from a past unknown to others and easily manipulated them.

In the end Tsuda and O-Hide engaged in a dialogue rather like the following.

“If I hadn’t said anything in the beginning, that would have been the end of it, but now I’ve brought it up it will feel terrible to go home with what I’ve brought without giving it to you, so please, Brother, take what I have.”

“If you want to leave it, go ahead.”

“But I want you to acknowledge that you’re accepting it.”

“I have no idea what the devil I’m supposed to do to satisfy you, why can’t you just state your conditions outright?”

“I’m not making a fuss about conditions. I’m asking you to accept gracefully what I have for you. I’m asking you to behave as if we were brother and sister, that’s all. Then all you’d have to do is say you’re sorry to Father, a few words you genuinely mean.”

“I already apologized to Father quite some time ago. You know perfectly well I did. And it wasn’t just a few words.”

“But I don’t mean that kind of mechanical apology. I mean genuine regret from the bottom of your heart.”

Tsuda had been thinking his sister wasn’t requiring much. But regret hadn’t occurred to him.

“You’re telling me my apology was insincere? I may really want the money, but I also happen to be a man! I’m not about to bow and scrape, think about it.”

“But the truth is, you really want the money.”

“Who said I didn’t?”

“And that’s why you apologized to Father, isn’t it!”

“Why apologize otherwise?”

“Exactly! And that’s why Father stopped giving you money. You don’t realize that?”

Tsuda went silent. O-Hide pursued him at once.

“As long as you feel that way, it’s not only Father, I can’t give you money either.”

“Then don’t. I’m not trying to pry it out of you.”

“That’s not how it sounds. You said you really want the money.”

“When?”

“You’ve been saying it for a while.”

“That’s a damn lie. Numbskull!”

“It’s not a lie. You can’t tell me you haven’t been saying it all along to yourself over and over again. You’re not frank, Brother, so you can’t say it out loud.”

Tsuda looked at O-Hide with grim fierceness in his eyes. His stare was lit with hatred. Nor was there any indication that his conscience was making him ashamed. When he spoke, even O-Nobu was surprised by what he said. With the utmost composure he could command, he said precisely the opposite of what she had expected.

“O-Hide, it’s just as you say. Let me start again and reveal myself to you. This brother of yours desperately needs the money you’ve brought. Let me declare that you are a woman filled with deep sisterly love. I appreciate your kindness. So please, by all means, leave the money at my pillow side.”

O-Hide’s hands trembled with anger. She flushed bright red. Her blood appeared to be rushing all at once into her face. This was vividly apparent beneath the whiteness of her skin. Only her tone of voice was little changed. Smiling wanly even in her anger, she abruptly dropped her brother and turned sparkling eyes on O-Nobu.

“Sister, what shall I do? Since my brother has gone to the trouble of saying all that, shall I just leave the money?”

“Whatever you decide.”

“Yes? But he did say the money was an absolute necessity.”

“That may be so for him. As for me, I have no need of the money whatsoever.”

“So you and brother are separate?”

“Not in the least. We’re a couple after all; take us or leave us.”

“I don’t—”

O-Nobu didn’t let her finish.

“Whatever my husband needs, I make sure to provide for him.”

With these words, O-Nobu took from her obi the check she had received from Uncle Okamoto the day before.