Light and dark

[128]

WITH A deep breath, she jumped with both feet. She was determined to cast off the restraints imposed by the circumstances and confront O-Hide head on. But this required her to speak abstractly. Even so, she thought, perhaps the stimulus of a debate might uncover at least a shadowy reflection of the truth.

“Do you suppose a man can love more than one woman at the same time?”

It was O-Nobu’s intention to use this question as a starting point, but at that moment O-Hide had nothing to offer in response. The knowledge she had gleaned from books and magazines was related to conventional romance only and was of no use in this case. With nothing in reserve, she feigned deliberation. Then she replied honestly.

“I really couldn’t say.”

O-Nobu felt disheartened. Doesn’t this woman have a husband named Hori to use in her research? Doesn’t she observe her husband’s attitude toward women at his side day and night? Even as she formed the thought, the next words issued from O-Hide.

“How could I understand? I’m a woman, after all!”

Was this woman an imbecile? O-Nobu wondered. If this reflected O-Hide as she truly was, her dullness was to be pitied. O-Nobu hastened to turn the foolish remark to her own use.

“Then how about from the woman’s point of view? Can we imagine that our husbands could be in love with someone other than ourselves?”

“Can’t you imagine that?”

O-Nobu heard the question with alarm.

“Am I in a position now where that’s something I need to imagine?”

“You’ll be fine,” O-Hide returned at once.

O-Nobu instantly repeated the words.

“I’ll be fine—”

It was unclear from her emphasis — even O-Nobu wasn’t sure why — whether she was asking a question or exclaiming.

“You’ll be just fine!”

O-Hide also repeated the phrase a second time. In that instant O-Nobu glimpsed a shadow of ridicule in the corners of her companion’s mouth. But it vanished at once.

“You’re the one who’s obviously fine! Given the circumstances when you married Hori-san.”

“What about you? Wasn’t Tsuda head over heels about you?”

“Goodness no! That’s how it was with you.”

O-Hide was suddenly unresponsive. O-Nobu abandoned the effort of futile digging in a vein where no gold was to be found.

“I wonder what Tsuda’s thoughts about women are?”

“His wife would know that better than his little sister.”

Even as she was rebuffed, O-Nobu realized she had framed a question as dumb as O-Hide’s.

“But as his sister, you must understand him better than I do.”

“I suppose I do, but my understanding won’t be of any use to you.”

“Of course it will — besides, if that’s what we’re talking about, I’ve known about it for quite a while.”

It was a dangerous trap, but O-Hide, being O-Hide, couldn’t resist the bait.

“Even so, you’ll be fine. In your case, it will certainly be fine.”

“Maybe so, but it’s dangerous. Unless you’ll kindly tell me all about it.”

“Gracious sakes! I don’t know anything.”

O-Hide abruptly colored. Even in her heightened state, O-Nobu couldn’t surmise the source of her embarrassment. But she had retained her memory of the same display earlier in her visit. Gifted as she was at discriminating similarities and differences, she was unable to identify the connection between the faint blush her mention of Madam Yoshikawa had produced earlier and the red face confronting her now. She wanted urgently to establish a connection, however farfetched. But no matter where she searched, the cord that would bind them eluded her. What troubled her most was her conjecture that a connection must exist between these two moments, each beyond her power to manage. And a premonition that this connection was bound to be of momentous importance to her now. It was only natural that she should feel impelled to probe more deeply.