Light and dark

[148]

FROM TSUDA’S manner of speaking and countenance, O-Nobu was able to divine clearly what was on her husband’s mind. It troubled him that Kobayashi had come to the house when he wasn’t home. He was even more concerned about what he might have said to her. He lacked a firm hold on what had passed between them. So he had baited a trap and hoped to lure her out.

Clearly there was a secret. Everything that had been accumulating in her heart until now as evidence pointed unquestionably and without contradiction in the same direction. The secret was a certainty, as clear as a blue sky on a perfect day. And yet, very much like a blue sky, it cast no shadow. She could only stare at it. Reaching out to take it in hand was beyond her art.

Notwithstanding her turmoil, she retained a sufficient measure of craftiness to set a trap of her own without springing her husband’s.

“I might as well tell the truth. I heard the whole story in detail from Kobayashi. So you can’t hide anything anymore. What a terrible person you are!”

This was hardly more than babble. But she spoke the words in earnest, as though she were fighting for her life. She felt compelled to call Tsuda “a terrible person” with vehemence.

The impact on Tsuda was immediately apparent. In the face of this empty insinuation, he appeared to stagger. The courage it had taken O-Nobu to attempt the very experiment that had failed so miserably with O-Hide seemed about to be requited. She leaped forward.

“Why couldn’t you have been honest about it before it came to this?”

What did she mean, “came to this”? Tsuda struggled with the ambiguity. O-Nobu was even more uncertain of what she had intended. Asked to explain, she demurred. Tsuda continued to press her somehow absently.

“I can’t imagine you’re talking about going to the hot springs? If you’d rather I didn’t go, just say so, it doesn’t matter to me.”

O-Nobu appeared surprised.

“I’m not saying anything of the kind. If you can go away to recover with everything at work all arranged, what could be better? Do you really think of me as the kind of person who would object to that and make a fuss about it? As if I were hysterical? How could you!”

“So you don’t mind if I go?”

“No, I’m sure I don’t.” As she spoke, O-Nobu had removed a handkerchief from the bosom of her kimono, and no sooner had she held it to her face than she began to cry softly. Her words escaped her now as fragments stammered between sobs, like something broken.

“No matter how — selfish I may be — to stand in the way of your treatment — such a — grateful as I am for the freedom you always give me — to think that — stopping you from going away to recuperate—”

Tsuda was at last relieved. But O-Nobu had more to say. As the convulsion subsided, the flow of her words evened.

“I’m not thinking about anything so trivial. I may be a woman and a fool, but I happen to have my own honor. And I want to uphold my honor, whether as a woman in a woman’s way or as a fool in a fool’s way. If that should be sullied…”

Having come this far, O-Nobu burst into tears again. She continued, brokenly.

“If ever — if that should happen — how will I ever — hold my head up — to Uncle and Aunt Okamoto? — I’ve already been made an utter fool of by your sister — and you stand there watching — pretending — pretending you have no idea — what’s going on—”

Tsuda spoke up at once.

“O-Hide made a fool of you? When? When you went over there today?”

This was a serious slip. He couldn’t possibly have known about that meeting unless O-Nobu had told him. Not surprisingly, O-Nobu’s eyes flashed.

“Lovely. So you already know all about my visit with Hideko-san today?”

“She telephoned me”—the reply rose only as far as Tsuda’s throat. He paused in confusion, wondering whether to say it or desist. But the moment offered no reprieve. The longer he floundered, the more danger he was in. He felt trapped. Then, at the last possible instant, a hair’s breadth away from being too late, a clever excuse fell out of the sky.

“The rickshaw man told me when he came back. O-Toki must have spoken to him.”

Luckily, the maid had known where O-Nobu was going when she hurried out of the house. The shot in the dark had hit the mark, and Tsuda breathed for the second time a sigh of relief.