Light and dark

[109]

“I’VE BEEN wondering for a while whether to say something or be quiet, but now that you’ve had your fun insulting me, Brother, I don’t feel good about going home without speaking my mind. So I’m going to say what I have to say here and now. Just one thing: what I’m about to say is a departure from our conversation until now, so it would be a pity if you have to listen in the same frame of mind. Not because I’m afraid of being misunderstood, but for the simple reason that my feelings simply won’t get through to you.”

Tsuda and O-Nobu were already in the process of adjusting their attitudes, and these opening words altered the more dramatically the angle of their perception. In silence they waited for what was coming. But O-Hide had yet again to make sure of them.

“You’ll take me a little seriously won’t you? If I get serious?”

O-Hide turned her powerful gaze from Tsuda to O-Nobu.

“Not that I haven’t been serious until now. In any event, now that Sister is here, there’s nothing to worry about. If we get into one of our usual sibling squabbles, all she has to do is order us to stop.”

O-Nobu essayed a smile. O-Hide did not respond.

“I’ve been thinking of saying this to you for the longest time. In front of Sister. But there hasn’t been an opportunity, so I’ve kept quiet. And now that you’re here together, as a couple, I can make a point of speaking out. What I want to say is precisely this, are you ready? You two think of nothing at all in this wide world except yourselves! So long as the two of you are doing well, it doesn’t matter how distressed or confused someone else may be, you can turn the other way and pretend they don’t exist — that’s it.”

Tsuda was able to accept this characterization with equanimity. He was enabled in this by his certainty that O-Hide had identified a salient characteristic, not only in himself but in every human being. O-Nobu, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine a more unexpected appraisal. Her only feeling was dismay. For better or for worse, O-Hide moved on at once before she could open her mouth.

“All you do, Brother, is adore yourself. And Sister devotes herself to being adored by you. Neither of you sees anyone else. Certainly not your sister, that goes without saying; even Father and Mother have disappeared from view.”

Having come this far, O-Hide, as if fearing that one of them might interrupt her, abruptly supplemented her remarks.

“I’m just stating the truth as it appears to me. I’m not saying I want you to do anything about it. It’s too late for that now. Actually it became too late today. Just now, in fact, unnoticed by either of you. That was destined to happen just as it did; there’s not a thing I can do but resign myself. But I do want you both to consider the consequences of the facts as I foresee them.”

Once again O-Hide shifted her gaze from Tsuda to O-Nobu. Neither of them had any clear notion of what she meant by consequences. They were, accordingly, curious. And, for that reason, silent.

“It’s a simple consequence,” O-Hide subjoined. “So simple it can be stated in a single sentence. But I doubt that either of you will understand. Because I don’t think you realize that you’re unable to accept the kindness of another person. The consequence of not being able to think of anyone but yourselves is that you’ve both lost the capacity to respond as human beings to another’s kindness. In other words, you’ve been degraded to people who can’t be grateful for another person’s good intentions. Maybe that doesn’t bother you. Maybe you’re thinking you already have everything you need, that nothing is lacking. But, as I see it, this will lead to unimaginable misfortune. To me it appears that you’ve been deprived of your ability to feel happy in a human way. Brother! You say you want the money I’ve brought. But you say you don’t need the kindness that moved me to bring it. To me it’s the other way around. As a human being, it should be the other way around. So this is a terrible misfortune. A misfortune you’re unaware of. As for you, Sister, you’re hoping Brother won’t accept the money; you’ve been suggesting all along that he mustn’t accept it. By declining the money, you’re also hoping to reject my kindness. And you’d like to gloat about that. But it should be the other way around for you, too. You simply don’t understand that humbly accepting this sister’s sincerity would bring you a thousand times more pleasure as a human being than any gloating you plan to do.”

O-Nobu felt unable to hold her tongue. But O-Hide was even less able. Overriding O-Nobu with the fervent torrent of her words, she was unable to stop until she had finished speaking her mind.